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Mistakes

I’m not very good at making mistakes. I hate making mistakes, which means I find myself falling into a pit of despair. Sometimes I become unable to function as I think that I’ve irrevocably fallen off my (completely imaginary) pedestal of perfection.

Here’s the truth: everyone makes mistakes on a daily basis. It’s part of life. We are all very far away from perfection and we all do horrible things.

But still, one small mistake can ruin my day. I fall into my abyss of guilt because I want to go back and change what happened (which is impossible). I feel deep discouragement because I think there is no way to fix it.

And sometimes we make mistakes that we can’t really fix. We might hurt someone’s feeling so badly that it changes our relationship forever. We might wreck our car. We might wreck part of our life.

We can’t change the past. Mistakes happen, and the consequences can last a very long time. That hurts.

But I’ve been learning how to avoid the pit of despair and move forward. Here are ways to deal with mistakes better:

1. Accept what happened.

Not too long ago, I learned about “radical acceptance.” This means accepting life how it is, totally and completely. It means we accept that things happened and we can’t change them. Acceptance can be very difficult. We might think life is unfair. We might want something different.

But reality is what it is–and it’s a lot easier to accept it (possible) than to fight against it (impossible). It can take practice and patience, but we can accept that we made mistakes and we can’t change what we did.

2. Fix what you can.

Instead of dwelling on what we did, we can take some time to think about what we can do to make right. When I yell at my children, I can’t take back that yelling. But I can apologize. I can start speaking kindly to them. I can give them hugs and cuddles. I can work harder to not yell as much in the future.

Fixing things doesn’t always make the mistake go away completely–there are often scars. But people can forgive–and we can forgive ourselves, knowing that we’re trying.

3. Laugh at yourself.

Often, many mistakes we make are small and unimportant. And they can be hilarious, if we have the right perspective. We may slip and fall, but we can also laugh at how silly it all was. We can laugh at botched recipes, bad haircuts, forgotten information, fumbled words, and awkward encounters. We can laugh when our mistakes don’t define us, when we realize everyone makes mistakes, and that we don’t have to be perfect (or even close to it).

4. Learn from mistakes.

If we do something wrong, we don’t have to keep doing it over and over again. We can learn. We can know that we can do better. We can change. That offers a lot of hope to keep at it and to keep climbing towards being a better version of ourselves.

5. Repent.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ makes it so that we can be completely forgiven and change for the better. It means that even those scars can be healed and there is almost nothing we can do to completely ruin our lives. We can be saved from our mistakes, not matter how small or how big. There is always hope.

 

inspiration

6 Ways to Get Things Done

I have a lot to do right now.

Some people have asked me how I do everything–I don’t think my list of accomplishments is overly impressive or unachievable. I’m mainly a stay-at-home mom, but I also have a lot of things I do on the side. I write books, I blog, I take photographs, I read books, and I try to keep learning. Here is how I do it–and how you can probably achieve a whole lot more than I do.

1. Set goals.

This is the first place to start. You won’t achieve much of anything unless you set it as a goal. Wanting to do something is not enough–it will always remains a wish. A goal must be specific and it must have a deadline. Examples: I will write a rough draft of a book this year.

2. Make a timeline.

After you have a general deadline, you break up the goal into smaller tasks. For example: I will write a 10-page chapter every week. I will write two pages five days a week.

3. Schedule out the day.

I did a lot during nap time when my kids actually took naps. Quiet time can also be helpful–quiet time is when you tell your kids to quietly entertain themselves for a while. Also, sometimes my kids really like playing with each other and I’m not needed. And they go to bed early, so the evening provides some more time for me to work on things.

When you plan out your day, you are much more likely to accomplish the tasks that help you complete your goals.

4. Focus efforts.

Sometimes my kids get ignored for a minute. Sometimes dinner is late and not very fancy. Sometimes the dishes wait. No one can do it all and everyone has to learn to make sacrifices in the right places. If you need more time, try sacrificing social media, reading the news, or watching television.

5. Allow for wiggle room when things don’t go according to plan.

When I wrote a novel in a month last year, I had a goal to write 2,000 words a day instead of the suggested 1,667–because I knew I needed some wiggle room and some space where I could breathe and have a bad day. I probably should have increased it to 2,500 words a day (or just written a novel in two months), because I still got very behind. We all have really good days and really bad days. Don’t get discouraged when you fall behind–it’s better to try and not quite get it done than to not try it all.

6. Believe in yourself.

You can do more than you think you can. You might already be doing more than you realize–and instead of feeling overwhelmed about life and your circumstances, you can be proud of your strength and your efforts. If something is hard, you continue forward with the understanding that you are learning and growing. You can believe that you can accomplish your goals, and you will keep working towards them.

You are the only type of superhero this world has: ordinary people doing one small task at a time. All those small things combine to make something amazing.

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inspiration

Remembering in Hard Times

Lots of my extended family members are going through difficult times. Health problems, marriage problems, life problems. Sometimes I want the problems to go away. Sometimes I selfishly don’t want to worry anymore. Sometimes I genuinely care about someone and I want them to have a break from painful experiences.

I can only do little things like sending a note or a text or saying a prayer. I have been praying a lot for others lately. It has at times been a little overwhelming, particularly when it combines with some of my own worries.

So how do we deal with hard times?

I have found the best way is to remember Jesus Christ. The suffering of the world is so great, yet He has experienced it and so He can succor us and help us through it. We cannot go lower than He was. We cannot go to a place without light. The light of Christ is always there, giving hope in difficult times.

That makes it okay. Hard times happen and people struggle and there can be so much pain, but it is never too much because of Him. He provided a way through it all.

It will get better eventually, even if it gets worse right now. There is hope. And there is happiness in that hope.

 

essay

Happier Without Technology

The internet is a wonder. When I want a movie streamed on a computer, I have 24 frames per second being sent to me over thousands of miles almost instantaneously–and not over wires, but straight through the air in waves of information. I don’t understand how that works.

I can look up about any question whenever I want it answered–like what the standard frame rate is for movies. Which started a rabbit hole about why we have that particular frame rate, and I’ve learned a bit about the history of recording video, CGI and video games, high frame rate, and augmented reality.

I could go into a rabbit hole about the origin of the phrase rabbit hole, which I’m pretty sure is related to Alice in Wonderland, but I will resist. Her rabbit hole was a dream, actually–a fall straight into absurdity.

And that’s what the internet feels like. It feels absurd. It feels like disappearing cats that pop up in unexpected places. It feels like mixed up life that doesn’t sound quite right anymore.

I am pretty sure I would be happier without the internet. And without smart phones. And without computers, even.

The thing is, I don’t have to use them. I don’t have to turn on my computer or check my smart phone. I don’t have to have a Facebook account and I don’t have to follow people on Instagram. But I do.

What stops me from cutting the cord, from waking up from this dream of absurdity and actually living my life instead of falling into the rabbit hole?

Quite a few things: connecting with people, searching answers for simple questions, creating and sharing posts and videos, watching television shows, reading news, taking classes, shopping, listening to music, etc.

There are so many good things that technology can do.

I have invested in blocking software–blocking websites in the morning and limiting distracting websites to certain time limits and numbers of launches.

But on days when I feel tired and cranky, I still find myself wasting time, going around the limits I’ve made for myself and falling down the rabbit hole.

I don’t have an answer of how I can balance this in my life. It’s hard. Having too many options is hard.

Here is what I do right now:

  • I only check social media once a day.
  • I have a fifteen minute time limit on YouTube.
  • All websites are blocked until 11:00.
  • 10 or 20 minute limit on websites I commonly get distracted on.
  • I don’t have access to a web browser or a search engine on my phone.

But I feel like I’m falling down a slippery slope, one that I can’t seem to master. Good days, when I’m feeling happy and motivated, I do fine. But the days where I just don’t want to follow my rules. And I don’t.

I’ll keep working on it. I want some sort of conclusion, but I don’t have one.