There we were in testimony meeting, and the speaker was talking about how he couldn’t understand how someone had lost belief in the church. And then there was talk about how good other people in the congregation were–that they were faithful and stalwart and admirable.

It was not very helpful for those of us in the congregation who sometimes struggle with our faith. Sometimes I’m not always feeling like I want to go to church and worship. Sometimes I have doubts and questions.

A lot of people are like that. And we want to feel accepted and loved and heard and understood, but instead, we are often met with the message that we aren’t good enough.

There have been so many testimony meetings that I have sat through and people have praised their ward and the individuals in their ward, saying it is one of the best wards in the church.

In every single ward, someone feels out of place and unaccepted. Someone has been hurt and offended. In many wards, people are unkind and don’t understand.

It might feel like a really good ward if you have a lot of friends and people you get along with. It might feel comfortable if you don’t have many questions and you aren’t struggling with your faith. But that doesn’t mean everyone in the ward feels the same way you do.

What about those people who don’t come, or don’t come often? Do they feel like outsiders? Do they feel welcomed? Do they have friends?

It is easy to blame people for their lack of attendance or their lack of faith. It’s easy to say that it is their fault that they feel marginalized.

But we can do better. Instead of boasting about how good we are, we can take some time to listen and try to understand those who are struggling.