I sort of hate the word success because it brings me anxiety about the things that I have tried and failed at, which are many. I wanted to be a best-selling author when I was young. That has not happened. And I’ve realized that the things that are often considered successful aren’t as great as they seem.

But I have achieved some goals, like getting some writing published and doing some public speaking. And I learned the way to find success in certain fields is very different than I thought it was.

Here’s a common pathway to success that I didn’t really know about:

• First, you get lucky because you submit or apply or do something that is way less competitive than usual.
• You get accepted not because your work is the best, but because they didn’t have much to choose from.
• You gain experience. Your resume grows. Your skills grow. You get better.
• And then you’re more competitive for the next thing, and you beat out a few more people.
• And then you keep getting more experience and keep getting better.
• Until finally, you actually succeed at something that feels pretty big.

I think the first conference I presented at randomly didn’t get very many submissions at all. I just got lucky there, but it was a great experience that I could build on. I also got published in a literary journal, and I later heard the editor mention that they didn’t have many submissions and were trying to draw more in. My work just met the bare minimum.

My husband once applied for a job that had been posted twice, one after another, so there were less applicants to beat out the second time around. And then he used that job to slowly build up a career.

I guess some people are super talented and competitive right off the bat. But most people aren’t. For most people, success and improvement come slowly as they keep putting in the effort bit by bit. Large successes are almost always proceeded by small successes first. And any success is accompanied by a good deal of luck.

If you keep trying and trying and trying, chances are, you’ll get lucky somewhere along the line. I do keep trying. I’ve gotten lots and lots of rejection letters, and I expect I will get a lot more. But I think I’m becoming more skilled and more experienced along the way, learning what works and what doesn’t. Some projects I give up and some projects I persevere. But the little successes that I have had help build up my confidence to keep going.