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  • 3. What does sacred mean?

    3. What does sacred mean?

    I’ve been thinking of the word sacred a lot lately. My oldest son was baptized today, and that moment was sacred, an overwhelming feeling of joy and importance rolled up together.

    There are many times in my life where I have felt that something was sacred. Some of it has been religious moments: in the temple, in church meetings, or during personal scripture study. But there have been lots of other moments too.

    Going to the mountains. Christmas morning feels sacred. The births of my children. Moments when I closely connect with someone else. Service to others. Funerals. Weddings.

    Maybe that feeling of sacredness is being able to connect with something divine for just a moment. And it’s so easy to pollute that with everything else going on in my life.

    blossoms in water

  • 2. Is it better to focus on one thing or many things?

    I have a lot going on in my life: my main job is to take care of my four children,. But then I’m also trying to take care of my house and my yard and work on our renovation.

    In our renovation, we have a lot of projects going on at the same time. We’re doing our bathroom and our electrical and trying to figure out flooring.

    I’m also working on a data science class, editing a book I wrote, writing this blog, doing a free online philosophy class, and preparing for the GRE. (And I spent a lot of time today reading a book.)

    Would it be better if I just focused on one thing?

    I know switching focus takes a lot of time, so it seems to be more efficient if I just completed something before adding in other projects.

    On the other hand, I get bored easily. When I’m working on lots of different things, it feels like I’m getting more done.

    I don’t have an answer to this. Any thoughts?

  • 1. Why do we care about happiness?

    1. Why do we care about happiness?

    Happiness is one out of many positive emotions. In Brené Brown’s list of core emotions, she lists good emotions such as belonging, empathy, excited, gratitude, curious, joy, love, and surprised. But even feelings that I don’t like can bring positive moments into my life: anger can lead to action; anxiety can lead to safety; grief comes from love.

    Psychologist Daniel Kahneman mentions that we don’t really want to be happy–we want to be satisfied with our lives. Happiness can be fleeting, but satisfaction lasts a whole lot longer and is built from goals and hard work. We work and live more to be satisfied, not to be happy.

    Yet in many conversations with others and in my own thought patterns, I am often dwelling on happiness. Am I happy? Is someone I love happy? But if happiness is fleeting, how is that a good measure of my life being in a positive space?

    I felt happy yesterday. We went up into the mountains and I was canoeing around on a lake surrounded by evergreen trees, racing the sun as it slowly slipped behind the mountain. I assembled fishing poles for my children and watched the video Dillon had taken of the fish that almost landed in the canoe.

    That was happy. But the happiness didn’t last forever. I can’t have moments like that my whole life–and I don’t want to. This morning, I sat and worked on studying and learning and writing–and those things don’t directly bring me happiness, but I like that I do them.

    Lori Gottlieb mentions that people can change their life by changing the stories they tell themselves. So if I change my story so that I’m not always dwelling on happiness and searching after happiness, maybe I would become more satisfied with my life, more able to pursue what I really value.

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  • 150 Questions: Introduction

    Almost every day from July 1 until the end of 2021, I am going to present one question on this blog. The question may or may not have answers; the answers may or may not be more important than the question.

    Some of the questions will be thought-provoking; some light-hearted; some will bring clarity; some might be confusing. You can find them by scrolling down.

    You can expect questions on subjects such as life, productivity, time management, parenting, motherhood, economics, philosophy, reading, religion, spirituality, learning, mistakes, failures, and more.

    And you are also encouraged to come up with your own answers and ask your own questions as we do this together.

    Please comment below if you are coming on this journey with me.

    You can also sign up to follow along here:

  • How to Take a Break

    I’m not good at taking breaks. I’m good at getting really exhausted and then checking social media, but that is the worst way to take breaks.

    My friend Amy recently told me that she doesn’t let her car get under a half tank. She wants to be prepared. And then she said, “Why can’t we do that for ourselves?” If we can manage to keep our vehicles full of fuel, we can also work to keep ourselves fueled and ready to go.

    Which means we need to take breaks. And not breaks when we’ve become exhausted and empty–instead, we need breaks when we’re half-empty, before we’re exhausted.

    But some breaks that I take are just horrible: Checking social media. Looking at the news and pandemic trends. Watching YouTube videos. Staring mindlessly at a computer screen is not a good break: it doesn’t replenish me and makes me feel more drained.

    Here are some ideas on how to take a real break that can actually give our minds and bodies the rest we need and invigorate us to keep going:

    • Exercise.
    • Go for a walk.
    • Go outside.
    • Read a book.
    • Talk to a friend.
    • Play with a child.
    • Do a small act of service.
    • Say a prayer.
    • Sit in silence.
    • Meditate.
    • Say something you’re grateful for.
    • Eat a snack. Preferably a somewhat healthy one.
    • Drink some water.
    • Clean up. Even doing a tiny bit can help.
    • Sit there and do nothing (but don’t look at a screen).

    Sometimes taking a break is difficult. I have a hard time changing my focus and I want to just get stuff done. But it’s not efficient to get stuff done by working and working until I’m overly exhausted and I can’t do anything else.

    I’m going to keep working on taking breaks–the right sort of breaks that will help me feel happier, energized, and live the life I want to live.

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  • Mind Reading

    I thought she wanted to be left alone, so I did. And because I left her alone, she thought I wanted to be left alone. And we almost missed a friendship. . . .

    I thought they were concerned about germs, so I kept my distance when we were sick. And then they thought I was concerned about germs, even thought I wasn’t. . . .

    She was a nerd, and I was a nerd, and we had all the same interests, but we never managed to connect. . . .

    I assumed a neighbor was a certain way because of stereotypes and hearsay. But her opinions ended up being more nuanced, and even if we did disagree about some things, we didn’t disagree about everything. . . .

    My own assumptions alter how I think about people and how I treat them. But those assumptions are often wrong. I can’t read minds. I don’t know as much about people as I think I do. And people don’t know much about me, either.

    We have different lifestyles, different choices, different opinions. We have things in common and we have difference. But it’s easiest to approach every relationship with integrity.

    I want to be the same person, to not try to hide who I am. That doesn’t mean I loudly insert my own opinions, but it does mean that I stop trying to adapt myself to fit to another person’s choices. I struggle with that sometimes. I don’t want to be contrary. So I don’t say things or I change what I say in order to fit in.

    But so often, I’m adapting based on false information.

    It’s better to be honest and true to myself, to let who I am come out more often, and not try to read another’s mind, but to simply ask them about themselves, to understand what I don’t know, and to assume only that I can continue to be kind.

     

  • Kind to Yourself

    Kind to Yourself

    Jesus Christ suffered for me so that I don’t have to suffer. He helps me to become better, patient with my mistakes as he offers healing, hope, and repentance. He treats me with overwhelming lovingkindness.

    But how do I treat myself?

    Sometimes I am downright mean to myself. It’s like I find myself wallowing in the mud, so I simultaneously yell at myself for being there while pushing my face back into the filth as punishment.

    I sabotage my own change, not through weakness, but through cruelty as I tell myself that I don’t deserve better and that I’ll never be good enough.

    I criticize constantly, picking at flaws and putting a magnifying glass up to things that don’t matter. There are physical characteristics that no one ever notices or cares about, and I point them out to myself, as if I could never be beautiful. I ruin my own time management in the simultaneous pursuit of too much that doesn’t matter and not enough that does, and then I become overwhelmed with shame that I can never get it right.

    I treat myself in a way that I would never treat anyone else. I want to become better, but I am so nasty to myself that I get in the way of my own progress.

    I want to be kinder to myself than anyone else in the world. I wan to become patient and loving, allowing myself to change without ruining it with my self-punishment.

    I can forgive myself. I can allow myself to do better. I can release the shame. I can patiently go forward, step by step.

    And as I love myself more, I become more beautiful as I come a little closer to my Savior.

     

  • Transform

    Pain shifts me away from pride and I face the unknown. Uncertain, I embrace the darkness, except for it’s not dark, because there is a fire and it transforms and refines. Pain is the best part of being human. I change as humility allows the disposal of false beliefs. I become beautiful in the unknowing. Doubt births my faith: I no longer know, but I believe.

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  • All kinds of love

    I’ve been talking about the five love languages with my husband lately. We took the quizzes to figure out what our love languages were, but I didn’t particularly like the results. I would rather quality time than gifts, but I still want gifts.

    I need all different types of love. I need physical affection and gifts and quality time and words of affirmation and acts of service. I don’t need one and not another; I need all of it. I want all of it.

    And so I need to give in so many different ways. Dillon and I don’t particularly like gifts, but we exchanged Christmas gifts this year and loved it. If we never exchange gifts at all, then something feels a bit missing from our relationship.

    I need to show all kinds of love to my children. I need to spend time with them. I need to talk with them. I need to help them out. And I need to hug and kiss them and tuck them into bed.

    I don’t want to be fluent in one love language; I want to be fluent in all of them. Only then can I really give the love that I need to as a wife and a mother and a friend.

     

  • Possibilities and Planning

    Possibilities and Planning

    I want a five year plan. I keep on rethinking the directions I’m heading and want to feel a little bit more stable about my options for the future.

    But I know that this plan isn’t going to be linear and clear. Life turns out a lot different than I expect it to. Five years ago, I had little idea of where I would be right now. I just graduated with an economics degree and now I have a part-time job working for FamilySearch doing image audits. I have four kids who take up most of my time and attention. I’m writing a book.

    I don’t know where I will be in five years (possibly in the exact same place, but I really hope I’m sitting on a different couch). But I do know that there are a few different options that I want to pursue.

    So instead of a five-year plan that looks like this:

    I want a five-year plan that looks like this:

    A plan doesn’t need to tell me exactly what I want to do. Instead, a plan gives me guidance on which opportunities I want to pursue. And then some of those opportunities will work out and be the right fit, and some of them won’t be.