Tag: fear

Good Enough

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Sometimes we accept the worst solution because we can’t have the best. But the better thing is available and right in front of us.

  • You decline $40,000 because you can’t have $80,000.
  • Because you can’t save $20, you end up spending $30.
  • You might stay up too late, and instead of going to bed, you stay up even later.
  • You might be hungry, and instead of eating something adequate, you stay hungry.
  • You refuse to eat a chocolate chip cookie because you really wanted ice cream.
  • You might need to exercise, but because you don’t have time for a two-mile jog, you do nothing.
  • Because you can’t solve a complete problem, you don’t solve any part of it.
  • Because you can’t get an A, you might fail a class instead of getting a C.
  • You don’t write anything instead of writing something that’s not quite right yet.
  • You don’t help someone because you’re afraid that you can’t do enough.
  • Or in an attempt to find the perfect place to live, you end up miserable living where you are at.

Just do the better thing in the first place instead of waiting for something perfect to come along.

And sometimes when you go forward with what is good enough, then the best option becomes available.

 

Gratitude, Fear, and Perspective

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Having less often means that you are more grateful. Isn’t that silly? I just heard Brene Brown talk about how when we are really happy and things are going really well, we usually are expecting something horrible to happen. We don’t let ourselves feel joy. We don’t let ourselves be truly grateful for the absolutely amazing things we have. It’s okay to be grateful. It’s okay that you have a lot and that you recognize that. Life is unfair–but sometimes that works in our favor, and we can recognize the absolutely amazing blessings we have.

Fear makes us do stupid things. I get scared of getting tired, and so I don’t do anything (and I feel tired). I get scared of being sick, so I don’t fully engage in life or take care of problems when they happen. I’m scared of talking to people, so I end up being super awkward. Fear isn’t rational. Fear doesn’t lead us down good paths.

Sometimes, it has been useful to me to zoom out on my life. We can get so stuck in avoiding those small moments of pain that we totally forget about the big picture. It’s good to remember the good picture: everything goes away. Right now is all we have.

I can do this

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I don’t exactly like talking to people on the phone. When I was young, I was downright terrified of it. I’m not sure why–maybe I was afraid that I would look like an idiot and not know what to say.

Somehow, I had this fear that if I was in the middle of a conversation, the experience would be so overwhelming that my brain would stop working and I wouldn’t know what to say or I would say the entirely wrong thing. And sometimes, admittedly, conversation does not work out as expected and I do say things that aren’t quite what I meant.

But really, it’s my fear of saying the wrong thing that actually makes me say the wrong thing. Because when I’m not afraid, I just think and talk and things work out fine.

I watched this video the other day:

When I watched that video about artificial intelligence that could hold a conversation like a human, it made me realize: I am smarter than Google Duplex, and so I can talk on the phone (and in other places) just fine and I don’t have to be afraid anymore. That program has a limited amount of responsiveness, and it can hold a conversation and not look like an idiot (though I am sure sometimes it does look like an idiot when it’s not on camera). I have years of experience with working with people, and the ability to think creatively and come up with new responses.

I don’t have to be afraid because I am actually completely capable.

I have also been listening to a few chapters of a book about making a good first impression and getting along with people. It’s pretty easy, really: make eye contact, don’t close yourself off, smile, find common ground–simple things.

If you happen to be shy or socially awkward or any of that, realize that you are just fine how you are. You are smarter than a robot–so you are capable of conversation and connections. Yes, there might be awkward moments, but your brain is capable of responding, correcting, and continuing onward. You can do it. There’s no reason to be afraid.